I believe that everyone has the right to par-take in the relationship dynamic they feel most comfortable in. I do believe that monogamous relationships can be beautiful, and a perfectly valid way of living ones life filled with love and and happiness. I believe people can choose these paths for whatever reason feels right to them. Even if that reason it just that monogamy (or vise versa) is easier, that’s perfectly valid. But it really grinds my gears when people say “Nah I’m not into poly, I get jealous.”
Well, fancy that. So do I.
I hate this common conception that poly people are these magical beings from beyond that somehow, as a gift from the poly gods, do not experience the life controlling feeling that is jealousy. Because you know, surprise, we do. I know I’m jealous a lot. Towards lots of my partners, and their partners, and their partners partners partners.
And this isn’t something I’ve ever found was solved with monogamy. I felt jealousy even when someone told me I was the only one for them, that they would love only me forever. The only thing I found monogamy did about it was make it harder to face the problem. It made it scarier and harder to bring up.
Polyamory has helped me with my jealousy. It’s made me come face to face with it. It’s showed me the terrible person it’s turned me into, and made me want to change that. I never want to hurt the people I love again because I’m jealous. It’s petty, it’s cruel, and it’s counter productive.
So, my advice to anyone, poly or not, if you’re using jealousy as an excuse not to do something, or an excuse for why you did something. Take a good look in the mirror and figure out if you really want it controlling you. Look at yourself and figure out if you like the person it turns you into. Because I didn’t, I still don’t, and I can’t understand why someone would. Don’t use your relationship status as a solution to your personal problems. Face those personal problems, and then find out what would make you happiest.
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